Exceptionalul din Cotidian

• Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
• When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
• Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
• Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
• Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
• Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
• Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
• Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard“. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
• To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
• There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
• The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
• When Chuck Norris’ wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, “don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
• Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Si-o sa ma opresc aici, desi lista este incredibil de lunga. Inca ceva.. “Roundhouse Kick” e lovitura lui speciala, aia in care sare si loveste cu piciorul intr-un arc de cerc.